短故事20字左右就好 最好是笑话，越多越好...一定要短的.急!!!

我高考志愿一共填了三个，前两个是清华北大，在家眼巴巴等了一个月，没等到入学通知书，估计清华招生组把我名字弄漏掉了，北大通知书在路上被人家邮递员弄丢了。
你看那些明星，三十岁比二十岁漂亮，四十岁又比三十岁漂亮，那才叫越长越漂亮，因此我相信在未来的二十年里，我还是有变帅的可能的，这么多年来，每天晚上睡觉前，我都坚信第二天早上醒来的时候，我就会变得更帅一些，但每回等到第二天早上，总是叫我失望。这二十年里，不断的失望，就有不断的希望，如今我终于明白了，像我这么一张完美无瑕的脸蛋，是很难再有所超越的。
近来生活比较安逸，早上睡到十一点，起来吃个中饭；下午再睡，一睡睡到五点半，起来吃晚饭；吃过晚饭再睡，一直睡到第二天上午十一点，睡得好累啊，皮肤得不到充分的休息，脸上就不是很太平，小痘痘都生出来了，昨天脑壳上来个“众星拱月”，今天鼻子两旁又来个“牛郎织女”，所以今天我就觉得照半个钟头不大够，要照一个钟头才行。
我发现一个秘密，虽然暂时没有充分的科学依据，但我相信，不久的将来肯定会得到科学证实的，就是当你刚刚照镜子的时候，总会觉得你不是很帅，不过你不要害怕，只要目不转睛盯着镜子多看几分钟，你就会渐渐帅起来的，并且看得越久就会越帅，你要是看足一刻钟，就会觉得这个世上再没有比你更帅的人了；你要是看上半个钟头，就有一种飘飘然羽化登仙的感觉；你要是看满一个钟头，你就觉得你已经变成佛了。
一个口音很重的乡长说：“兔子们，虾米们，猪尾巴，不要酱瓜，咸菜太贵啦！”译：同志们，乡民们，注意吧，不要讲话，现在开会啦！“主持人说：“咸菜请香肠酱瓜！”译：现在请乡长讲话！”乡长说：“不要酱瓜，今天的饭狗吃了，大家都是大王八！”译：不要讲话，今天的饭够吃了，大家都是大碗吧！”
有一位父亲十分喜欢当兵，给自己儿子取名皇（黄）军。有一天父亲送皇（黄)军去上学，八路车来了儿子却还在一边玩耍，父亲大喊：“皇（黄）军快跑，八路来了”。
I filled the university entrance exam volunteer altogether three, the first two is tsinghua Beijing university, at home and looking for a month, not wait until the letter of admission, estimates that the name of tsinghua recruit students I get left out, the notice on the road was the somebody else the postman lost.
You look at the stars, 30 years old than twenty years old and beautiful, forty years and more than 30 years old beautiful, it's more long more beautiful, so I believe in the next 20 years, I still change handsome possible, so DuoNian, and every night before sleeping, I firmly believe that the second day morning wake up of time, I will get more handsome some, but each back to wait until the next morning, always let me down. The twenty years, constantly disappointment, there is constant hope, and now I finally understand, be like me so a flawless face, is difficult to surpassing.
Recently, the life is easy, sleep in the morning at eleven o 'clock, up to eat lunch; Go to sleep in the afternoon, a sleep sleep to 5:30, up for dinner; After dinner to sleep, had been sleep till the second day morning at eleven o 'clock, have a good sleep is tired, the skin can't get enough rest, on the face is not very quiet, small blain blain were born out, yesterday skull up a "ZhongXingGongYue", today on both sides of the nose and to a "the gigolo knit", so today I feel as half an hour is not big enough, according to an hour to do so.
I found a secret, though no scientific basis for the full, but I believe, in the near future will surely get science confirmation, is when you just see the mirror, always feel that you are not very handsome, but you don't fear, just couldn't stop looking at the mirror read a few minutes, you will gradually handsome up, and see the longer the handsome, if you see a quarter full, you will find in this world nothing than to you more handsome person; If you are only after half an hour, there is a kind of swept up from the feeling; If you look for a full hour, you will feel that you had become a Buddha.
A heavy accent of the steward said: "the rabbits, shrimp, pig, the tail don't JiangGua, pickle is too expensive!" The comrades, the villagers, pay attention to it, don't talk, and now the meeting! "The host said:" please sausage JiangGua pickle!!!!! "Translation: now please the steward talk!" The steward said: "don't JiangGua, today of the rice the dog ate the, everybody is a big tortoise!" Translation: don't talk, today's rice have enough to eat, everybody is a large bowl! "
Have a father is very like the army, to give their son named huang (yellow) army. One day his father sent huang (yellow) army to go to school, and to the son is 8 car while still in play, father yell: "emperor (yellow) army run, 8 come".

12.一猴子吃花生前都要先塞进屁股再拿出来吃。对此管理员解释道：曾有人喂它桃子，结果桃核拉不出来，猴子吓怕了，现在一定要量好再吃。
13.小明：“爸爸，我是不是傻孩子啊？”
爸爸：“傻孩子，你怎么会是傻孩子呢……”
14. 讲个故事：“从前有个太监…………………………”
有人耐不住问：“下面呢？”
继续讲故事：“下面？没了啊……”